Just had that "moment."

I just sent off some tags and ephemera, and had that "moment."  I love that "moment."   I remember when I first read a novel and realized I could write just as well.  I remember when I first heard a song that sounded just like one I'd written.  (that has happened over and over again, lol! I love it even more when my husband calls me and says, "This song on the radio is just like one you wrote 5 years ago!")

 Today, that moment happened when I realized I'd made some crafts that I would actually have paid money for.  It felt good. :) It banishes the enemy's lies that say, "You're not good enough, and this is not worth your time.  This is useless, and you'll never gain anything from it." 

I had another moment today with the oldest princess. 

I was wrestling her tights over her toes, and she said, "It must be a hard job being a mommy." 
I laughed out loud and said, "Yes, but I like it better than any other job I've had."
"Really?" She looked up at me with shocked eyes. "Even better than working at the ring store?"
"Yes, DEFINITELY better than working at the ring store.  Better than singing.  Better than being an artist."
"Wow!" she said. "Daddy, Mommy likes being Mommy better than being an ARTIST!"

Yes, I do, baby.  I really do. 

At one time, I truly regretted turning away from the singer-songwriter lifestyle. It broke my heart that I couldn't do everything I loved to do, and that suddenly there was nothing I could do well.  Everything about motherhood, from the housekeeping to the cooking, the organizing to the sanitizing, was foreign to me.  Prior to motherhood, I made up for my organizational failures by being loving at home and being a people-person at work.  However, when babies came, I did everything wrong, and every day there was something I should have done differently. (Heh, and when I voiced this feeling, people told me it was "wrong" to feel that way, lol! So even my emotions were wrong!  I couldn't even "feel" the right way!)  For too many years of my life, I felt like a constant failure. 

Now, several things have come into play that helped.  For one, I realize that, if I hadn't had a family, and if I'd become that singer-songwriter, I'd be sitting in a cafe' somewhere on the road, writing deep songs about wanting a family.  Seriously.  When I'm 80 years old, no one will care about the songs I sang.  I wouldn't want them to.  I would not want someone to have attached themselves *that* deeply to something I create. When I'm 80, I would much rather have a husband who still loves me for who I am, and a bundle of children, spiritual children, and grandchildren that said, "You fed my soul, mind, and body with love and joy."  That's what I want. It took a while to realize that, and to mourn the dream that was gone.  Only when I let it go did I realize I had something so much better.

Another thing that helped is realizing that, until Jesus comes again, new days keep dawning.  There's another day to work on it.  I've never failed at anything I've put my hand to do, and God willing, I won't fail at this.  I'm never going to be Martha Stewart.  Thank God.  (I can't stand the Martha Stewart Book of Crafts anyway.) I am going to be a creative, joyous influence on my kids, and a refreshing, loving wife for my husband. 

Anyway, my 2-year-old princess insists that monsters are upstairs in her room, and I have to go scare them away.  I told her that monsters are scared of Mommy.  Mommy's going to go get rid of those monsters.  Grrrr.....